Is Roger Clemens Jesus?

POSTED BY Matt Marquez, 15 November 2007

In a move that may signal the end of Roger Clemens’ annual retirement tradition, the Rocket reportedly began talks with the Houston Astros last Wednesday about rejoining their organization as a pitching consultant. Even if Clemens decides against consulting for the Astros, I know the 45-year old still has a lot to offer.

Here are just a few new careers the on-again-off-again pitcher might want to consider:

Donald Trump's Hair
Clemens could easily step in as Trump's thinning mane since both are big and ugly but they get the job done.

Jesus
I'm not saying Clemens would be the most popular Savior ever, but nobody has come back from retirement more times than the Rocket. Plus, Adrian Peterson needs to take a breather.

Herpes Sore
Stubborn? Check. Never goes away for long? Check. A real pain in the butt? Check.

My Benefactor
In 2007 alone, Clemens pocketed $28 million. In a strange coincidence my student loans total $28 million. I'm just saying.

Major League Pitcher
You ever see Roger Clemens throw a baseball? That guy would make an awesome pitcher. He should really look into that.